We’ve all heard the story of the bright-eyed college graduate that showed up for a job interview in jeans, on their phone and with their mommy, right?! You might say “That’s absurd, who would do that?”, BUT unfortunately this IS our new reality. They haven’t been taught the fundamentals of working in the “REAL” world, they aren’t being taught the HOW and WHY. Their expectations are that of a world that owes them, a world where their needs are greater than those of others.

According to an article published online at CNBC the most common interview mistakes are inappropriate attire, inability to communicate and lack of research. 

What you wear, it MATTERS

“You never get a second chance for a first impression”, it’s an age-old saying. BUT have you truly thought about what your “FIRST” impression is to others? Are you confident, strong, and independent? What you wear is important, it paints a picture of who you are.

We’ve all gone to the grocery store in our PJ’s and slippers at least once in our lives, and we’ve all had “one of those” days where you just didn’t want to make the effort. How did you feel those days, when you didn’t take the time? Did you FEEL confident? I don’t, I feel tired, I hurry in and hurry out, hoping that nobody sees me. If I don’t feel confident, then how will they see my confidence?

The KEY is communication

Eye contact, how many times have you found yourself wondering “where are they looking” as you watch their eyes drift off mid sentence, it’s distracting. How many times do you tell your toddler “look at me” when you are talking with them. Eye contact is everything, it’s a way of telling someone they have your FULL attention, that what they say matters.

Eye contact engages, it provokes a steady conversation, it is focused and undistracted.

Research, Research and MORE Research

“Why do you want to work for me”, it’s a common question at an interview, one that I have been asked by multiple employers. “You have a great company” or “The job description sounded good”, common responses to that age-old question. Neither will get you the position when you are trying to land your “Dream” job, because neither really tell them your “WHY“. Research is a KEY component to being able to give them your “why”, AND it will give you instant credibility.

Employers want to know that you are committed to them. If they are going to take the time to research YOU, they want that same courtesy in return. You get out what you put in, if you put the time into learning about them, they will take the time to learn about you.

Judges, much like employers, have only a few moments to get to know you. And in those moments it is your job to show them WHY you. Many will say “Beauty is Within”, I agree and I have written about here, but if you go to an interview unprepared in ripped jeans and a raggedy tee-shirt, they might not see  that inner beauty and ALL your amazing qualities, because the reality is you only have moments to stand out and make the very BEST first impression. What will yours be? Will you be prepared?

THE INTERVIEW 

My daughter, a four year old, is learning these skills because at four she is already expected to INTERVIEW.

Sitting across from you is your biggest opportunity and all that stands between you and your dream is ONE interview.

Fact: “In a survey of 22- to 26-year-old college graduates by Adecco, a staffing and recruiting company, 8 percent reported that a parent accompanied them on at least one job interview, and 3 percent said a parent actively joined the interview.” www.cnbc.com 

After graduation, 44% of college graduates are either unemployed or underemployed, according to recent surveys. And you might ask WHY, they are smart and educated BUT they still can’t get the job. WHY, because communicating, looking at someone when speaking, presenting yourself without selling yourself, are ALL things you learn.

You learn by DOING, by making mistakes and trying again. Simple, basic LIFE skills that many today have learned by Googling “how to” doesn’t work. LIFE skills are taught by LIFE experiences. If those graduating college have never been taught HOW to interview how can we expect them to know.

A FAMILY 

One after another they float across the stage, grace and beauty exudes from within them. You would never know that backstage it was just chaos. Everyone rushing to get into that next outfit, making sure their hair and makeup was perfect. BUT amongst the chaos, if you look closely, you will see friends helping friends, you will see women from all walks of life lifting each other up, encouraging each other to be AMAZING.

“Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.” 1 Peter 3:8 

The Miss United States, Miss America, Miss USA, and Miss International if you look closely, when the FINAL two are standing on stage you will see them holding hands, each one speaking words of encouragement to each other. They are more than competitors, they are friends, they are family.

COMMUNITY SERVICE

A giving heart, something I’m always working on; everyday I try to find one nice thing, one thing to help a stranger, to show someone that people care. It’s something I teach my children. Community service is not only encouraged when you compete in pageants, it is part of the application process and in some systems included as part of your final score.

 “Do not keep good from those who should have it, when it is in your power to do it.” Proverbs 3:27

Community service and giving back are not new concepts, they have always been there and have been a part of pageantry since the start. When you become a “Title Holder” you are not just encouraged, but required to have a platform.

Definition: “A body of principles on which a person or group takes a stand in appealing to the public; program.” 

This can be anything that you are passionate about, it can be something that you have a personal connection to or something that simply touches your heart. There are so many who truly have a giving heart, it has touched my heart. They are GIVING back and making a DIFFERENCE.

CONFIDENCE 

Being confident doesn’t comes naturally to everyone. As you grow older, and you become more self aware, confidence is one of the first things to go. When you FIRST begin to see the world for what it is, as Adam and Eve took a bite of the apple and saw that they were naked, your confidence FALTERS.

“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.” Genesis 3:7 

My daughter will grow up and her innocence will fade. My prayer is that she will have learned to be confident in WHO she is. To be able to speak to those around her and know that what she has to say matters. At the same time she will learn to do so without YELLING. There is beauty in confidence; being comfortable with who you ARE. It inspires those around them, while lifting others up. It is QUIET and LOUD; humble BUT bold.  Every time they walk on stage they inspire me, they lift me up without knowing me, all because they are confident, beautiful women.

A ROLE MODEL 

A leader, someone that inspires, they are more than just a “Beauty Queen”, they are doctors, lawyers, community service activists, and moms; they are ROLE MODELS. As I watch my daughter grow, I look at those around us, each one has an impact on WHO she will become and WHAT she will aspire to be. She will look to me to guide her and teach her and I will look to others to SHOW her.

Being able to watch as these young women put their heart on stage and stand out is inspiring. It is breathtaking to watch as they conquer their fears and “climb the tree”. Everything I want in a role model and ONE day it will be HER turn, she will be the one to inspire those who are younger.

So what is your WHY? Tell me the WHAT and your WHY.

Fun fact, did you know that there are 22 different ways to start a fairy tale with “Once upon a time”.

When I was younger my dream was one of “happily ever after”, it was full of Prince Charming and dancing in the forest. Many said “it’s just a fairy tale”, but those stories gave my heart something to smile about, they gave me something to dream about.

Zara Ramsay-Nortley, has always been amazed by those competing in pageants. As a child she would watch Miss World with her older sisters and fondly remembers “the dresses” and their “elegance”. It was something to dream about, a princess fairy tale. In 2011 she became the fairy tale and competed in the Miss Ghana UK; her story’s beginning. Every story unique, every chapter another chance to learn and grow from the last.

Growing up I watched all the classics, Cinderella, Beauty & The Beast and Snow White. As a child, they were perfection, they were flawless. As an adult, they are just girls looking for their “happily ever after”. In life, we are ALL flawed, we are ALL human. “Everybody has something they are insecure about”, Zara explained, it might be a birthmark, “your smile”, or a scar from a childhood accident. Each one making YOU unique.

“You must be perfect—just as your Father in heaven is perfect.”  Matthew 5:48

While to YOU they are obvious, to OTHERS they aren’t. To Zara her insulin pump was glaring, it was “white and on her stomach”, how could they not notice it? The reality, most didn’t even know she had it on. HER confidence, beauty and poise out shined the one thing she thought was her biggest flaw. The flaw had become part of her story. It’s inspiring those to embrace what makes them different. To stand OUT by just being YOU.

Zara’s story isn’t over, she is still writing HER fairy tale, there are chapters yet to be written, BUT one thing is certain they will ALL be full of “elegance”, giving back, growth, determination and making a difference.

What is your story? Are you at the beginning, middle or ending about to begin another? What will your LEGACY be?

Zara Ramsay-Nortley, the reigning Miss Galaxy England, was diagnosed at the
young age of three with Type 1 Diabetes, “TD1”. Type 1 Diabetes, per the American Diabetes Association is when “the body does not produce insulin. The body breaks down the sugars and starches you eat into a simple sugar called glucose, which it uses for energy. Insulin is a hormone that the body needs to get glucose from the bloodstream into the cells of the body.”

When Zara was diagnosed, insulin pumps weren’t readily available like they are today, as a young child she would use syringes to get the insulin she needed and as advances were made eventually used “flex pens”. For years she would avoid getting an insulin pump and although they have been around for quite some time, it wasn’t until eight months ago that she decided it was time.

It was a statement from her father that inspired her, simple, but powerful, “if you couldn’t see you would wear glasses, so if your pancreas doesn’t work, do something about it”. What would it mean if we applied this statement to all areas, what if instead of seeing our flaws as something to hide, we see them as something that we have.

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”

Song of Songs 4:7

Zara’s TD1 isn’t a FLAW, it doesn’t need to be hidden; it’s beautiful and inspiring. At 24 I was faced with the idea that I might someday become TD1, I became anxious about the “what if” and there isn’t a day that I don’t think about it. BUT today I am not anxious, because Zara and so many others inspire me. They live everyday with TD1 and it doesn’t stop them from all they are meant to be. Beauty, confidence and who we are, are in our flaws.

February  25, 2017 is the JDRF Walk and I along with my daughter will be walking for those that we love who courageously live with TD1 every day and if you would like to help us make a difference please click here.

While preparing for our upcoming pageant, I was asked: “what’s the prize package?” As I went to answer, it dawned on me that I had no idea; I never did look to see what she would WIN. It never occurred to me that I should. It reminded me that the REWARD she is receiving isn’t tangible. It’s not a shiny new car; it’s not a teddy bear or trophy.

The REWARD is so much more, it’s the confidence she gains as she learns how to present herself in front of an audience. Its learning how to interview and what it truly means to GIVE BACK to the community. It’s a self-awareness through personal growth.

“The worries of life, the deceitful pleasures of riches, and the desires for other things take over. They choke the word so that it can’t produce anything.” Mark 4:19

Understanding the intangible REWARD is not easy, and is taught to us through others over time. Standing at the checkout with a crying toddler, instantly I reach for the REWARD, because in that moment with everyone looking at me I just want to calm her and that is OK. Often, I say “I wouldn’t work if I didn’t get paid.”

Rewards are important.

BUT they are not necessary and shouldn’t be expected. If we are doing something solely for the TANGIBLE, we might miss out on something amazing. An opportunity to grow and learn from those around you, a moment of inspiration or a moment to inspire others.

I challenge you today to refocus the lens, to look for the intangible REWARD, to look at the BIG picture, not just what’s in front of you.

The tangible often overshadows that which is intangible, because I can touch it and can see it, BUT the reward of the intangible is GREATER than that of the tangible.

“A kiss at Midnight”, “Times Square Ball Drop”, “The countdown … 10, 9, 8, 7 … ”; timeless traditions symbolizing a NEW year is upon us. The buzzes of New Year’s resolutions begin as excitement fills the air with ALL the promises of what next year can be.

For many those promises will be of a new job, they will be dreams of competing in the next Olympics, for some it’s the promise of daily needs being met. For me it is a commitment to teach my children through faith to be kind, generous and loving to ALL; to be humble and honest, and to love unconditionally.

“Never tire of loyalty and kindness. Hold these virtues tightly. Write them deep within your heart.” Proverbs 3:3

Have you ever had “one of those days”, your late, the kids are crying and you forget the pack of diapers on the couch that daycare needed TODAY. I have. Many will whisper, many will form an opinion and many will watch as I struggle. BUT what if instead of whispering, YOU offered help or encouragement? What if by doing this you not only showed me kindness, but you taught kindness to your children.

While attending pageants I often spot “that MOM”, you know the one who is stressed and overwhelmingly frustrated. They are clearly having “one of those days”. They are the mom’s that I run to, they are the mom’s that I make sure to encourage, they are who I choose to show kindness to and through which I teach my daughter to be kind.

Jim Gromer, author of “How to Raise Great Kids: 101 Fun & Easy Ideas”, offers a variety of ways  to teach our children through sharing their families “favorite 101 humble suggestions to teach valuable life lessons to help raise hard-working, respectful, and joyful children.” These “humble suggestions” are simple, but their impact is BIG.

One being “Attitude is Everything” where he talks about having the “right attitude” can make a difficult situation manageable. It’s a great reminder that everything is better when YOU are looking through the right perspective.

During competition it is easy to be wrapped up in the “perfect” that you put humility on the side lines. Perfection doesn’t guarantee result. You can put on the perfect dress, find just the right shoes and if what’s inside doesn’t match the beautifully refined exterior, the results may lead to heartbreak. In the end it’s the heart that others will see.

According to Wikipedia, Saturnalia “was an ancient Roman festival in honour of the deity Saturn, held on 17 December of the Julian calendar and later expanded with festivities through to 23 December. The holiday was celebrated with a sacrifice at the Temple of Saturn, in the Roman Forum, and a public banquet, followed by private gift-giving.”

It wasn’t until the 4^th Century that the idea of Christmas was born when early Christian leaders phased out the pagan celebration by “creat(ing) a rival festival to mark Jesus’ birth: Christmas”, according to This Week. Over the years it has evolved to what it is today. A time to gather with family friends, of gift giving and of tradition.

There is a JOY that comes from giving, not begrudgingly, but whole heartedly. It is this JOY, a undescribable joy, that fills my heart to overflowing that I want to  share.

“Give … freely and unselfishly, and the Lord will bless you in everything you do.” Deuteronomy 15:10

When you “WIN” a title you don’t become a “PRINCESS“, you don’t get free clothes and jewelery, you don’t become an instant star and have people wanting to take your picture everywhere you go. However, you are given an amazing opportunity to be a representative, to give back. Community service is a vital part of being a title holder. Most do it instinctly, without hesitation or thinking twice. There is no expectation of receiving. It is selfless and honorable. It’s a type of giving back that is both empowering and inspirational.

So, in honor of Christmas and giving back, I am giving this gift to you.

My Christmas Prayer

Gathered with friends and family around the tree
With smiles in abundance and LOVE all around
While blessings fill the air
May your heart be full and your LOVE be great
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

With Love Always,
A Pageant Mommy

The post a CHRISTMAS gift first appeared on A Pageant Mommy's Blog.]]> https://www.apageantmommyblog.org/a-christmas-gift/feed/ 18 353 https://www.apageantmommyblog.org/a-grateful-heart/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=a-grateful-heart https://www.apageantmommyblog.org/a-grateful-heart/#comments Wed, 30 Nov 2016 03:57:54 +0000 http://www.apageantmommyblog.org/?p=331 She’s standing on stage, beautiful and strong, it’s her name in the envelope. Silence surrounds her as the name is announced, slowly the cheers fill the room, everyone overwhelmed with excitement. But amid all the JOY there is another girl standing on stage, tears in her eyes, disappointment in her heart. HEARTBROKEN, but not defeated because as she Read More

She’s standing on stage, beautiful and strong, it’s her name in the envelope. Silence surrounds her as the name is announced, slowly the cheers fill the room, everyone overwhelmed with excitement. But amid all the JOY there is another girl standing on stage, tears in her eyes, disappointment in her heart. HEARTBROKEN, but not defeated because as she stands there she is GRATEFUL.

Grateful because of ALL that she accomplished; grateful because tomorrow she would take what she has learned and try again. She will BE better; she will BE stronger and next year it will be HER name.

Thanksgiving is defined as the “fourth Thursday in November … celebrated as a legal holiday for people to be thankful for what they have.” It is alternately defined as “a prayer that expresses thanks to GOD.” As I sat listening to my pastor this past Sunday, the Sunday just before Thanksgiving, I was reminded that it’s not just on this ONE day that we should be with thanksgiving, but every day.

I was challenged that morning with HOW?! How during my darkest day can I be thankful, while all around me it’s as though everything is falling apart?

“Be joyful always, pray at all times, be thankful in all circumstances.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

In ALL circumstances, not just the days when it feels as though the world is crumbling around you, but EVERY day. It’s the morning that you wake up on the “wrong side of the bed” and everything just doesn’t go as planned. These are the days we express thanksgiving, because these are the days we learn HOW. These are the days that prepare us for our darkest days.

Being thankful is not something that is inherited, it doesn’t come naturally, it’s a learned behavior. It is one that is taught to us by others and through their actions. As a child on my birthday, my mom would say to me “now what do you say” after every gift, today I still hear her voice as I open a gift. She taught me to be thankful and to appreciate those around me. She gave me my very first HOW, she taught me to SAY “Thank You” with words. She taught me that even if the gift wasn’t one I truly loved or wanted, I still needed to be grateful.

If a thankful heart leads to JOY what would the opposite do? What would it mean to have discontentment, jealousy or even ENVY in your heart?

“It’s hard to ENVY when you are grateful for others”, words that pierced my heart that Sunday morning. A hard lesson that’s an even harder reality. We’ve all been there, I’ve been there. Wanting what I couldn’t have, envious of those around me, because WHY not me? I am a good person and I DESERVE it, right?!

71% experience being envious of others ~ SurveyPro.com

In pageants, it’s easy to become envious, it’s easy to want what others have, because ultimately there is only ONE crown. There is only one name in that envelope.  BUT those who are thankful, those who have JOY in their heart have already won.

“Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like a cancer.” Proverbs 14:30

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Cubs fans watched anxiously as their team fought to WIN the World Series, it was an EPIC journey. Countless failed attempts to WIN the coveted TITLE, out of 11 only two were victories, 1907 & 1908 over a century ago. Every failure pushing them to be better, to try harder, to get up and try again.

“While FAILING you’re learning to succeed”, Steven Roddy.

The journey to the CROWN doesn’t happen without failures, just like learning to walk doesn’t happen without falling. It’s not the fall that matters it’s what you do when you get up. Each time my daughter competes we use it as a learning experience, currently it is spent talking about using “listening ears” and being kind to our friends, but it will grow and develop just as she does. Each time learning and growing to become a better her, inside and out.

It’s the JOURNEY that defines us, not the WIN. Steven Roddy, first got introduced to pageants by a past Miss Georgia title holder who gave him the opportunity to be apart of her journey. He saw see first hand the “evolution of her character” as competing “shaped her confidence, image and career”.

But it wasn’t overnight or without failures that this happened. It wasn’t INSTANT and without work. He used the example of a movie plot where the “evolution of the character happens in just 15 minutes”, realistic right?! Finger snap and poof, you are who you have always been meant to be.

It’s unrealistic and ultimately unattainable. He continued by saying that society has this way of making a person feel like “when [they] start something [they] should be an expert”, but the reality is that it takes YEARS to be an expert. It is hours of hard work and dedication along with multiple failed attempts.

We become “so focused on the finish line that we fail to ENJOY the JOURNEY”.

“Don’t run from tests and hardships …. As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them; if you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure and teach you true patience as you endure. And true patience brought on by endurance will equip you to complete the long journey and cross the finish line—mature, complete, and wanting nothing.” James 1:2-5

How? How do we enjoy the journey? How do we slow down from the fast pace world we live in? We LIVE for TODAY, we commit to live one day, one competition, one event, one MOMENT at a time. Take it all in, because the journey IS important.

Instant gratification, according to Wikipedia, is defined as the “satisfactions gained by more impulsive behaviors: choosing now over tomorrow.”

We are confronted daily with the here and “NOW” it’s nearly impossible to embrace the journey.

“Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.” Proverbs 16:32.

Steven Roddy, founder of The Pageant Planet, started his journey by purchasing a football team, what could go wrong?! Well, as he put so eloquently in his bio “the football team FAILED. Miserably”.

BUT

He didn’t give in; give up; or run away, instead he picked up the pieces and tried again. He would continue to try “several things” over the next few years until he met Rob “Waldo” Waldman, who gave him what he calls his first “real” opportunity.

It was the beginning of “The Marketing Model”, where he worked with successful entrepreneurs on brand development. This would ultimately become the foundation for The Pageant Planet, an online pageant resource that was created to “bring together” a “fragmented industry

It wasn’t INSTANT and without failures. But it was through the failures that Steven learn what NOT to do. He learned to keep going, to never give up, that the “journey is important”.